Funny Urdu Jokes

1- Boy: teri judai me neend urti hai, chain khota hai,
jaan jaati hai or dil rota hai…
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Girl: doctor ko dikha le beta q k dengue virus bhi aise hi hota hai!

2- Ek shareef admi shadi k bad apni B.V ko bola:
Aaj sey tum he meri ZINDAGI ho, PYAAR ho, TAMANNA hoo!

B.V: aor aaj sey aap he mere leye Imran hain, SAAD hain NOMAN hain

3- Breaking News: Tamam hazrat se Guzarish hai, k Apni aurton or bachon ko ajkal T.V se Door rakhain Q K, MuShRaf Kisi bhi waqat vardi utar Sakta hai

4- Dil ka dard dil torrne waley kiya jaaney, Pyar ke rivajon ko zamana kiya jaaney,
Hoti hai kitni takleef larrki ko pataney main, Ye ghar pe baitha larki ka baap kiya jaaney

5- Thappar Maarnay par NaraZ Wife se
Husband bola:“Aadmi usi ko maarta hai jis se Pyaar krta hai.”
Wife ne Husband ko 2 thappar maaray aur Boli
“Aap kya samajhtay hain main Aapse Pyaar nahi kerti”

6- Train mai aik husband apni wife say: tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!

7- Mom: Beta khana khayega?
Beta: Na
Mom: Ladu khaiyega??
Beta: Na
Mom: Mithai Khaiyega?
Beta: Na
Mom:ice creame khaiyega?
Beta: Na
Mom: Baap pe gaya hai THAPAR hi khayega!

8- Three ants find an elephant asleep.
One says,”We’ll kill him!”
Other one says,”We’ll break his legs!”
3rd one says: “choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen..!!”:-)

9- A boy told his friend,
“yar aik larki mujh ko hans k dekh rahi hai”.

Friend answered: “Sahi se dekh, hans k dekh rahi hai ya dekh k hans rahi hai :-)”

10- Woh subah ki thandak,
Woh toliye ki khushbu,
Woh shamp ki bottle,
Woh dhule howay kapron ka sakoon,
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.
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Tum kiya jano ye to sirf nahanay
wale hi jante hain:p

11- Train main 1 machar 1 chinese k sar pe baitha, woh usko pakar k kha gaya!

Phir 1 machar memon pe baitha, us ne pakar k chinese say pocha:
.
.
.
.
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Khareedo gay?

12- 2 Dost Suicide kernay gayai, Pahala : “Hey Bhagwan mujhey
dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Dukh de!”

Dusra dost : “Abe tu maut maang
raha hai k Microsoft main Job.”

13- Boy: mujh sy shadi karo gi?
Girl: kyaa!

Boy: achi film hai na!!!
Girl: kutty k bachy.

Boy: WHAT????
Girl: kitny cute hotty hain na!

14- Aishwaria Rai, Preety Zinta, Kareena Kapoor in teenon main se kise ko
hona ho ga maira zaroor main janta hoon nahi ha itni ooqaat maire lakin,
lab pay aati ha dua ban kay tamana maire

15- Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha,”Koun Thi Wo?”
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo,
main pehle hi pareshan hun k woh bhi Yehi pochay gi.

16- Boy : Jan-e-man!
Totay howay dil se pyaar karogi ya
dil tootnay tak pyaar karogi?

Girl : Kameenay! Tuti hoi chappal say pitay ga ya
chappal tootnay tak pitega.

17- Raam nay been bajai, or seeta duur k ayai…

Kishan nay bansuri bajai, or Radha bhaag k ayai…

aur hum nay sirf seeti bajai, Woh sali BHAI ko lay aai

18- Baharo phool barsao mera “DOST”aya hai.
Hoto pe muskan, gali me mehak laya hai.

Barso tak thi jise pani se “ELERGY”
Woh aaj “LUX” se nahaya hai.

19- Yeh Pyar b na Ajeeb Cheez hai
Maa se ho to Ibadat
Baap se ho to Muqaddas
Bhai se ho to Aqeedat
Behn se ho to Farz
Aur BV se ho to.

Chunnu, Munnu, Guddu, Pappu

20- Sardar: bhagwan mujhey dard day dukh day tension day mujhey barbaad ker day,
meray peechay bhoot laga day.Bhagwan: abay salay aik line main bool biwi chahiye

21- Ik larki thi deewani si Mobile lay kay chalti thi Nazren jukha kar, sharma kar
Mobile mein jane kya dekha karti thi Jab bhi milti thi mujh se Mujh se poocha karti thi
ON kaise hota hai? yeh ON kaise hota hai?

22- Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.

Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin ker sakta

23- Yash Johar is producing a new film& is searching 4 new talent.
I’ve suggested ur name. Pls go & meet him. The movie’s name is “AQAL HO NA HO”

24- Uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay …. !!!!

25- kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha…aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien bhi akhir apna hi khoon tha

26- Munna: Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa,
meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai. Circuit: Aey Bhai ! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna: Bolay to meri fees buhat zyada hai na.

27- Sardarni: Ji 2si gaddi eni tej kyu bhja rahe ho?

Sardar: Areh,gaddi di break fail ho gayi hai, is sey pehley k accident ho jae,
jaldi jaldi ghar pohunchain gay!

28- Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!
Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge?
Boy:bilkul nahi!
Girl:to phir rehne do…

29- A girl ask to moulvi! can i kiss a man?
moulvi says: astaghfirullah! astaghfirullah!

girl: can i kiss a boy?
moulvi: laahulawala quwata………

girl: can i kiss u?
moulvi: Bismillahh bismillah

30- Susti bhare jism ko jagate kyun nahi,
Uth kar sab k saamne aate kyo nahi,
Msg bhi tumhara smell marta hai,
Thodi himmat kar k NAHATE kyun nahi…

31- Child: Mom is bar hum sare patakhe is shop se lenge.
Mom: lekin beta ye to girls hostel hai.
Child: Papa to kehte hain k sari phul-jhariyan yahi rehti hain…

32- Kash tum bakri hotay ! Main tumhain ghaas khilata
or pyar say tumhara seeng hilata aur pochta…
PAGAL kon??? tum ya Main?
or tum pyar say boltay Main Main..

33-If dentists make films,the names will be -
*Daant ho na ho
*Jaanam brush karo
*Aa ab clean karen
*Kabhi teeth kabhi gum
*Humara daant aapke paas hai!