Bollywood
Humor
Raaaaaaaaaaaabert
iss harami ko liquid oxygen
may daal do ! Liquid issay
jeenay nahi day gaa, oxygen
issay marnay nahi day gaa!
Sheeshe ko
sheesha kat ta hai, lohe ko
loha kat ta hai, tujhe paagal
kutta katega...
Sardar Jokes:
This actually
happened. My father's deputy's
friend took an answering machine
home and fixed it home somewhere
in Rajasthan, but two days
later disconnected it because
he was getting complaints
like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
This sardarji
goes to see Jurassic Park
and when the Dinosaurs are
approaching he is covering
in his seat when his friend
asks him "kyon sardarji, kya
baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha
hai cinema hi to hai." Sardarji
replies "Aadmi hoon aur akal
hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin woh to jaanwar hai,
usko kya pata"
Sardarji is
trying to commit suicide on
the railway tracks and he
takes along some wine and
chicken with him. Somebody
stops him and asks "kyon hai,
ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?"
Sardarji replies, "Saali train
late aati hai kahin bhook
se na mar jaun"
Do you know
what Sardarji will do after
taking a Xerox? He will compare
it with the original for spelling
mistakes !!
Do you know
what Sardarji will do if he
wants a white paper? (he already
has one and he wants one more..)
He takes a Xerox of the white
paper !!!
Sharabi Jokes:
There was once
a competition involving three
gruelling tests. The participants
had to do the following in
immediate succession:
1.) Drink five
bottles of hard whiskey in
one go
2) Enter a
room where there was a starving
lion and pluck out its eyes
with bare hands.
3) And then
screw a very horny babe to
her full satisfaction.
Many people
bravely tried their hands
(or should I say mouths) at
it. Few could get beyond the
first stage. And the inebriated
few who managed it, got promptly
eaten up by the starving lion.
There was none who could read
the third stage.
And then, one
fine day, a nonchalant Sardar
walked into the contest. Five
bottles of whiskey were nothing
for him. He emptied five bottles
in five gulps. Then he said,
"Bhale change hai hum, thagde
hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai."
When shown the room, he coolly
walked in. There was no hint
of fear on his face, but rather
the cool confidence of a person
who knew he could do it.
Sounds of a
mammoth fight came from the
room. Screams of the Sardar
and growls of the lion were
intermingled. Thumps and thuds
which shook the very earth
ensued. All of a sudden there
was a piercing, heart-rending
roar from the Lion. The audience
waited with bated breath,
their hair stood on end. And
then, as suddenly as it had
begun, the titanic roar stopped.
An eerie silence prevailed.
As the audience
watched, with eyes popping
out, the door of the room
opened, and out came the Sardar.
Badly bruised, with blood
streaming from his face, hands
and legs, he stumbled out
- victorious, nevertheless.
His face had the glow of satisfaction
of an emperor who had just
won a battle.
And then he
asked, "Where is the woman
whose eyes I have to pluck
out?"
Top Ten Desi
Dialogues:
10. Kuttay,
Kammenay mai tumhe jaan se
maar doonga
9. Mai tumhara
ehsaan zindagi bhar nahin
bhuloonga
8. Itnay paisay
tum kahan se laaye?
7. Main tumharay
bina mar jaa-oongi
6. Bacchhhaaaaaooooo.....
5. Yeh anyay
hai bhagwan
4. Bataoo,
heeray kahan hai
3. Tum mere
liye mar chuke ho.
2. Police mere
peechay lagi hui hai
1. Mai tumharay
bachhe ki maa ban-nay waali
hoon.
Best Of the
Rest Dialogues:
Ghar mein do
javaan betiyan hain
lo...muh meetha
kar lo
mein yeh shaadi
nahin hone doongi
aaj pinky ka
janam din hai
yeh aap kya
kar rahen hai, bhai
Bhaiyya !!!!!!!
Ma, tum kitni
acchi ho
Aaj mein bahut
khush hoon (usually to be
followed by a tragic turn
of events)
Arre isse to
tez bukhar hai
Nikal jaa mere
ghar say...
Hatoe naa,
log kiya kahengay
Khabardaar
joe mujhay haat bhi lagaya
tumne apni
maa ka dudh piya hai to...
jug jug jiyo
beti/beta
gurkha, ise
dhakke maarke bahar nikal
do
Maine tumhe
paal pos kar bada kiya...
Ab tumhari
maa hamare kabze mein hai
Police ko tum
jaise naujawanon par naaz
hai
Driver, gaadi
roko
Tum jaise gandi
naali ke keede...
Ek baar mujhe
maa keh kar pukaro beta
aur yeh bechari
begunnah hai. That's all,
your honor
tazeerat-e-hind,
dafa 302 ke tahat, mulzim
ko maut ki saza sunai jaati
hai.
Mulzim ko Baa
izzat bari kiya jata hai
Ab hum kisi
ko muh dikhane ke layak nahin
rahe
(hero/heroine
opening their eyes on a hospital
bed) Main kahan hun?
Kya isi din
ke liye tujhe paida kiya tha?
"Maa main first
class pass ho gaya hoon" followed
by the jug jug jiyo beta
Yeh sauda tumhe
bahut mehenga padega
Bhagwan, maine
aaj tak tumse kuch nahin manga,
aaj pehi baar kuch maang raha/rahi
hoon...
KANOON KE HAATH
BAHUT LUMBE HOTE HAIN
Aey jee! Aap
bade woh hain !
My Dear 'Monica':
You must be
surprised to receive this
'Prem Patra' from me. Let
me make my 'Pehchan' to you
as 'Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge.'
Though I am an 'Awaara,' I
am also you 'Deewana.'
I am making
you a 'Prathna' to enter my
'Zindagi' as a 'Priyatama.'
Even though I do not have
any ''Sambandh' with you,
I still consider you as my
'Dream Girl' with 'Lal Dupatta
Malmal Ka.' There are only
'Do Raaste' left_inner for
me. One is to get your love
by 'Tyag' or to go the 'Rangeeka'
way.
wouldn't you
like to be 'Mere Jeevan Saathi'
as you are 'Lakhon Mein Ek'?
I also hope that you will
'Guide' me in 'Bahar' as we
are made for 'Ek Duje Ke Liye.'
We will love
in 'Naya Zamana' where we
will have a 'Suhana Safar.'
In this 'Himalay Ki God Mein,'
our 'Bandhan' is going to
be tied with 'Preet Ki Dor.'
I hoe that we will have nothing
but 'Anand' in 'Yeh Dillagi.'
Aren't you
bored of 'Akele Hum Akele
Tum' life? Le this 'Baazigar'
be y our 'Boy Friend' and
we start 'Pehli Mohabbat.'
This 'Chahat' is going to
lead to a 'Milan' where you
are going to call me everyday
for 'Aao Pyar Karen.'
Now, 'Phir
Kab Miloge' as 'Tumse Accha
Kaun Hain'? As you know my
love is 'Himalay se Uncha'
and hopefully out 'Mulakat'
will be 'An Evening In Paris.'
'Aa Gale Lag Jaa'!
'Hum Aapke
Hain Koun...?'
'Prem Pujari'
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